So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
