you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
