Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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