im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
