Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(