my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
