he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too