I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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