all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?