Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
