I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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