I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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