She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
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You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
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I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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