I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
