if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
