planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
