i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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