woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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