So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
