Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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