I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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