So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
