It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
