Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
