i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
