he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
