Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
