When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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