this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
