new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
