I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
