his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
whose ass print is on the piano?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
