in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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