i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
