My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
