fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
