i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
