i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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