Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
