Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
