dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
