maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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