I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
