my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
