tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
either way he was missing a nipple.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
