yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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