Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Everclear isn't food dammit
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
