Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
