oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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