remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
