My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
