When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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