i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
