that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
