just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I can't turn off my feet"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
