i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
