I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
