is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
and she was petting her beer can
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
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They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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