you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
