Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
