Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
