I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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