ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
