I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
