And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
