A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
