She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
