Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
