So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
