You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
