I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
