are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
