Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
