The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
