haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
