billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
